Juniper Snowpea in

"The Littlest Witch of Them All"

Once upon a time, in a spooky, quiet hollow, there lived a wee bitty witch.

They had to buy her a special chair because she was too small for a regular one.

Her sisters were tall, beautiful, sexy witches with extravagant flowing hair.

Even the smallest of them was still bigger than SHE was.

She thought it was funny to hold her upside down from time to time.

And she didn't like that one little bit.

Halloween was coming soon, the most important day of the year for witches.

It was so important that her sisters spent days on end pressing their best witch dresses and making sure
their witch hats didn't have any spiderwebs in them. They made sure their stripey tights were clean and
practiced dropping houses on unsuspecting passersby.

The wee bitty witch was angry. She didn't want to iron her witch dress and pick bat poo off her hat.
She was so angry that she decided she didn't want to be a witch anymore.

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She wanted to be something good. Maybe something scary! This year, she was going to be a spooky,
rotting corpse of a mummy. That'll show them!



But the wrappings tangled around her feet when she tried to walk, and she kept falling over.
One of her sisters tore a piece off her to blow her nose.


She didn't want to be a mummy anymore.

So, she decided to be a vampire. Yes, vampires were MUCH better than mummies.
They are predators that suck the blood of the innocent. Vampires! That'll show them!




Even though she knew she looked extremely suave as a vampire, she wasn't really very interested
in biting girls wearing skimpy nighties, and frankly, changing into a bat just to fly around is just plain silly
when a good broom will do the job just as well.


She didn't want to be a vampire anymore.

Spiders are scary, right? She could spin spooky webs and spell out "some pig" if she wanted to.
Spelling is good. Although she wasn't entirely sure how many F's there were in the word "terrific,"
she thought she could give it a go anyway. That'll show them!



Then she remembered that there was a spider in her sister's room, and that her sister threw
a shoe at the spider, then squished it in some tissue and flushed it down the toilet.



She didn't want to be a spider anymore.

Maybe a different kind of bug would be better...What about a ladybug?! That'll show them!



Erm... no. Just... no.



She didn't want to be a ladybug anymore.

Hockey is an awesome contact sport! Hockey players with no teefs are scary! She'd be great at hockey!
She'll be a hockey player! That'll show them!


Unfortunately, one of the other players shoved her into the goal. Even though the puck doesn't
usually fit there, surprisingly this time it did. And the Internist THINKS he can
pull the stick back out, but she was blacklisted from ever participating
in the sport again for unnecessary roughness.


She didn't want to be a hockey player anymore.

She thought she'd try a different approach. One of her sisters was a pinup model for Witch Weekly.
She decided she could be a pinup model, too. That'll show them!





But they told her that she didn't have any boobies and they didn't like her outie belly button.
The photographer made fun of her chubby knees. He had to be rushed to the hospital to have the
camera surgically removed, but the doctor was hopeful that he would make a full recovery,
although he'd have to pee sitting down from then on.

She didn't want to be a pinup anymore.

Singing cowboys make a lot of money. She would be a singing cowboy! Yee-Haw! That'll show them!



She started listening to a lot of country music to get the idea, but after hearing a song called
"I Still Miss You, But My Aim Is Gettin' Better" she decided perhaps that wasn't the job for
an erudite soul such as herself. Her first draft of "I Miss Seeing Your Head On My Pillow,
So I'll Just Get It Back Out of the Freezer" was sent off to Voodoo. He will probably like it.


She didn't want to be a singing cowboy anymore.

Clowns. EVERYBODY is afraid of clowns. She could haunt people's dreams and fill their nightmares
with maniacal laughter and roses that squirt water. That'll show them!



But the neighbor boy laughed at her and shouted, "Honk! Honk!" then squeezed her nose.
They still haven't found all of the pieces of the neighbor boy, but held a service anyway.
Lots of people brought casseroles. She didn't really like casserole.




She didn't want to be a clown anymore.

Halloween was looming closer and closer. The wee bitty witch didn't know what she was going to do.
She didn't want to be a witch anymore; that was for sure! Phooey! Always the littlest one,
can't reach anything by herself, being held upside down... still....







....and so she decided, being the littlest witch really wasn't so bad after all!!






Happy Halloween Everybody!

Love Sherry, Juniper Snowpea, and family
(PS I am a sucker for a happy ending!!!)